You Gotta have Faith
by mysticpotion
Summary: What happens when House follows Thirteen and Wilson to a nightclub? Why are they there? What's Thirteen up to? Slash because we like it that way :D
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys got this idea while I was out at a nightclub in Glasgow and Faith came on. I have to admit I squealed because House sang it to Wilson and then danced all round the lit up dance floor with my confused friends. :D

I don't own rights to the show wish wish wish I did!

Anyway hope you enjoy and hopefully I will see you in the next chapter!

**You Gotta Have Faith Part one**

**Setting**: Nightclub

Thirteen and Wilson are dancing to **_Faith_**

**Well I guess it would be nice  
>If I could touch your body<br>I know not everybody  
>Has got a body like you<strong>

"I'm glad you agreed to come out with me tonight Wilson, it can't be good for you cooped up with House all the time."

_Wilson pulls Thirteen close and then lifts her hand up so she can twirl._

**But I've got to think twice  
>Before I give my heart away<br>And I know all the games you play  
>Because I play them too<strong>

"Well we've been in one another's pockets for twenty years. It might be exasperating, unpredictable, humiliating and downright mental at times but it's never dull. What can I say, it just works. We just work."

**Oh but I  
>Need some time off from that emotion<br>Time to pick my heart up off the floor  
>And when that love comes down<br>Without devotion  
>Well it takes a strong man baby<br>But I'm showing you the door**

**'Cause I gotta have faith...**

_Thirteen is now dancing provocatively around Wilson. He can't see the knowing smile his words bring to her face. The silver disco ball suddenly causes bursts of light to engulf the room and the floors individual squares light up like a flashing Rubik's cube. _

**Baby  
>I know you're asking me to stay<br>Say please, please, please, don't go away  
>You say I'm giving you the blues<br>Maybe  
>You mean every word you say<br>Can't help but think of yesterday  
>And another who tied me down to lover boy rules<strong>

"You ever thought what life would be like without him?"

"I had a life without him for a while remember? It didn't work for me."

"Why?"

_Wilson grabs Thirteen by the waist and she places her hands round his neck._

**Before this river  
>Becomes an ocean<br>Before you throw my heart back on the floor  
>Oh baby I reconsider<br>My foolish notion  
>Well I need someone to hold me<br>But I'll wait for something more**

"It's... complicated."

**Yes I've gotta have faith...**

"Let's change the subject, we talk about House enough already."

"I think I'll go get us some drinks, Jack Daniels?"

"Please"

"Be right back Wilson; don't be speaking to any other women while I'm gone but on the off chance you do give them my number."

_Wilson laughs._

"You're out of luck Remy. There doesn't seem to be that many in here tonight."

_Thirteen had seen him enter five minutes before from the corner of her eye. With his retro t-shirt, older than most of the people in the nightclub, his unshaven stubble and his flame cane, he's hard to miss in that room full of young primped fashion friendly men, even if he is trying to hide himself from view. She doesn't approach him right away but waits until she has paid for the two drinks. Then she strikes._

"Hello House"

"How did you know...?"

"That you were here and you had followed us, just a hunch!"

"Why'd you come here together, why are you both even out anywhere together? you are not normally as friendly as your suggestive dancing 10 minutes ago implied"

"You want the truth?"

"No I want the lie, of course I want the truth, remind me in the future to be more selective of what idiots I hire!"

"I knew you'd follow Wilson tonight because if he's not with you then he's with someone else and you'd need to know who that someone was and why he was meeting them. I knew that by picking a gay nightclub to meet him in, you'd be driven out of your mind working out the situation as you saw him come inside."

"The situation being?"

" Well I figured that once you got inside and you saw me, you would deduce that If it had been a real date we would have went somewhere more neutral and heterosexual friendly for Wilson's sake, so you would then assume that it's not a date, which would then make you concede that it must be simply a night out between friends. This would mean that you would work out the situation for yourself, realise it wasn't that much of a threat to you and leave without annoying us and ruining our night. However you're still here and there is of course a third option."

"Oh do share Thirteen!"

"That you'd think it was a night out for two people with similar **_interests_**, but no you'd never think that would you?"

_House look to Wilson who is standing talking to a man and smiling._

" Well he's not necessarily proving that theory wrong right now is he"?

" Aww House I do believe you're jealous."

"Believe whatever you damn well want. This situation is no longer interesting. I'm leaving now."

"leaving?"

"Yes as in getting the hell out of deliverance country."

" Well before you go at least have a drink, here take Wilson's, by the looks of it that guy will be buying him one soon enough. I just hope he realises that you don't get anything for free these days".

_House stares once more at Wilson and the mystery man. Thirteen tries desperately not to laugh. He snatches the jack Daniels from her hand and drinks it in one go. He motions with the empty glass towards Wilson._

"Has he actually realised this is a gay nightclub? I mean Look at him, is it not registering that he's not in Kansas anymore?"

"I'm assuming no, since we've been here for well over an hour and in that time he's failed to notice all the same sex couples kissing and the suggestive way that guy has got his hand on his shoulder."

_House averts his gaze to Thirteen who looks smug._

"You didn't tell him what this place was did you? You bitch! You shouldn't do things like that to him, it's downright mean."

" Oh because you are so nurturing towards him! It's a night out and a new experience, I was going to tell him when I brought him his drink, I doubt he'd mind anyway."

"Oh trust me, he'll mind when this guy puts his hand on his ass."

"How do you really know that? Have you ever thought that maybe he'd like it?"

"I know Wilson and I also know what that look is on that guys face. It's Lust. We have less than five minutes to freak out time, so before that happens I better go and save him."

" Ohhhh but I thought you were leaving?"

"I am but I'll be taking Wilson with me. You can stay though, I don't care who drunkenly molests you."

_House and Thirteen go towards them but as they do, the guy with Wilson leans his head forward and kisses him and Wilson waits a second before pushing him back. House freezes but Thirteen does not. She moves quickly to the two men, one confused the other horrified. She whispers something into the mystery man's ear. The man looks at House, nods, shrugs his shoulders at Wilson who says nothing and then the man starts to walk away. He stops at House._

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't know he was married, he didn't mention it and he's not wearing a ring. If I had known I would never have gone near your Husband, I don't condone cheating."

" My Husband does though, this is his fourth marriage. He never learns. Now get the hell outta here, you have no reason to still be standing there"

_The man angrily shakes his head and walks away from them. They are now huddled together in a trio on the dance floor. Wilson finally speaks._

"What. Just. Happened. To. Me?"

No one speaks.

**"Can someone please explain to me what has just occurred?"**

"Well honey, you see you were cheating on me with that Dude, and we are married, not cool man."

"House what the hell are you going on ab... actually, where the hell did you come from? Thirteen!"

"What? I didn't do anything."

_Wilson glares angrily at her and folds his arms like he is scolding a child._

"I maybe kinda forgot to tell you that this is a gay nightclub Wilson but I was about to when House showed up and distracted me. If he hadn't, that guy wouldn't have had the time to...em...to..."

"Stick his tongue down my significant other's throat?"

"Exactly! It's your Fault for spying on us House."

"Look I only followed you both here cause I suspected that my Husband was cheating on me, anyone would do the same in my position."

_House looks at Wilson who is still slightly dazed. He raises his voice loudly and some people in the club glance round._

"I TRUSTED YOU! WE BOUGHT A HOUSE TOGETHER. I GAVE UP MY CAREER AS AN ESCORT AND PART TIME STRIPPER IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME JAMES WILSON HEAD OF ONCOLOGY AT PRINCETON-PLAINSBORO TEACHING HOSPITAL!"

_Wilson puts his head in his hands and waits until House is finished. He then resumes the conversation_.

"When did I become your Husband exactly? Because I think I would have remembered the wedding night"

"You must at least remember the proposal."

"Yes I do, you refused...remember?"

_House glances at Thirteen who is looking far too bemused by the whole situation for his liking. _

"I'm assuming Thirteen that you told that guy we were married in order to get rid of him?"

_Thirteen nods. She decides alcohol might ease the situation._

"Wilson, you look like you could use a drink, I'll go get you one."

"Hey! What about the cheated on cripple?"

"As you look like you could permanently use a drink, I thought that was already a given Mrs Wilson. Now be a good little wifey and see to your husband while I'm at the bar."

_House smirks at her words and focuses on her ass as she walks away from them. The volume of the music in the club begins to increase. More people take to the dance floor._

"Look Wilson while she's gone let's get outta here and go back to my place."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU HOUSE WHAT!"

_House leans in as close as he can to Wilson. He rests his hand on his friends shoulder as he is being banged about by the growing crowd and his cane is not able to give him the support he needs. Wilson is visibly startled by the intimacy of the situation they are in and its similarity to the situation he found himself in moments before. This time though it's more unnerving because it's _**_his_**_ hand on his shoulder and _**_his_**_ body pressed against him. It's _**_his_**_ breath that's now caressing Wilson's neck as he speaks._

I said LETS...LETS GET OUT OF HERE AND... AHHH SCREW IT!

_House, exasperated by the noise and how close he is having to get to Wilson, takes the Oncologist by the arm and guides him along the dance floor. His hand is accidentally knocked by someone and so it slips down until it is nearly in Wilsons. After a few minutes of stopping and starting they finally reach the Exit._

"House are you sure about this?"

"Of course I'm sure about this, you wanna stay here all night or do you wanna go home with me?"

_Wilson places his hand on the back of his neck and looks downward. He shifts uncomfortably and his voice is strained when he finally speaks._

"I don't know...no...maybe...I'm not sure...I...I might go home with you but are you sure it's what you want?"

"Well you are my Husband Wilson."

_House is aggravated by the situation his curiosity has gotten him into. He is looking around and growing impatient. He assumes Wilson is drunk. He wants them to leave and doesn't understand Wilson's reluctance. _

"Look what's the problem here. Are you worried about leaving Thirteen bitter, alone and with Three drinks in her hand, cause I think it's only fair we prepare her for what her future is going to be."

_Wilson is just staring at him blankly. He has gone chalk white like he has seen a ghost._

"Jeeeeese! If it means that much to you boy wonder, I'll go and get her and she can join us then."

_Wilson's face turns quickly from white to bright pink. He begins to blush and his voice is high._

"She wouldn't agree to that! Would She?"

_House eyes him suspiciously. He has a gut feeling they are having two separate conversations._

"Wilson what the hell are we talking about here?"

"We are talking about what you said in the club about how you want...?"

_House grows impatient once more and rubs his leg as it has been really hurting him for the last hour. He stupidly left his vicodin at his place. The Jack Daniels dulled it a little but it was now wearing off. He cuts Wilson off mid sentence._

"What I said in the club was let's get out of here and go to my place, which is what I'm trying to do but you are not making it easy."

"That's not all you said!"

_House raises his voice. He's becoming pissed off. He needs his vicodin_.

"That's exactly what I said Wilson, why? What do you think I said?"

_Wilson realises that his friend is in pain and he also realises he may have made a mistake in what he thought he heard House say. So he concedes defeat._

"Look just forget it and let's leave."

"Finally! Some sense"

_They leave the club and hail a cab. Both are confused about the events of the night and how it has made them think and feel. As a result they sit in silence on the journey home. House suddenly smiles but Wilson doesn't notice. He realises he may have a new less boring puzzle to solve. Suddenly his leg isn't hurting him as much as it was a few minutes before..._

_Back in the club Thirteen searches for a few moments for the two unsuspecting Doctors she has set up. Not seeing them and taking that to mean they have left together, she now feels it is safe to find the mystery man and pay him accordingly for his services. She takes one last drink and heads for the door. Outside she phones Chase._

"I think I'll buy a really expensive pair of shoes with that $500 you give me."

"No way, it didn't work you are so lying."

"You'll see, it might take a while but you'll see and when I get my shoes I think I'll wear them to work every day, just to remind you of what a genius I am."

"If you've actually done what you said you would be able to do, I'll buy you two pairs of those shoes. You know why? Because I won't have to because you are full of it."

"Then you might as well make it three pairs of shoes."

"What the hell, make it 5, a pair for each working day."

"Chase you gotta have faith"

_She clicked the phone off thus ending the conversation. She hadn't felt this pleased with herself or this good in a very long time. _

_THE END...FOR NOW. Please review and tell me what you think. I have an idea for the next chapter but will wait to see how the response it to this first. Thanks. Peace!_


	2. Making the call

**Making the call**

_The Door opens and House and Wilson enter. House takes off his jacket and then walks towards the kitchen. The Oncologist stands nervously at the door and doesn't move. The older man walks from the kitchen with two beers in one hand his cane in the other. Wilson slowly moves towards the couch._

_**House:**__ "_Wilson what has gotten into you tonight? Well other than that guys tongue I mean. Look I know you've been kissed by a Dude but it's not the end of the world. So let's sit down, relax and finish what we started in the club_."_

_**Wilson**__: "What! No! I...I have to leave!"_

_House walks towards the Oncologist but doesn't get too close as he's sure if he does Wilson might hit him. Wilson backs away as House reaches his hand out with the beer. Wilson slowly takes it but as he does, their fingers 'accidentally' touch. He flinches. The diagnosticians eyes are penetrating as he stares at his friend. _

_**House: **_"Wilson you are starting to both annoy me and freak me the hell out. Seriously, what is going on with you tonight? You were being weird when we left the club but you are taking it to new levels right now_**."**_

_**Wilson: "**_I'm...okay...I just think the whole thing has put me on edge that's all."

_**House: "**_Well if you sit down and we finish what we started in the club...DRINKING OURSELVES SENSELESS... then you'll be less on edge, wont you?"

_Wilson's face clicks into realisation and the colour returns to his face. He visibly relaxes but his voice is high and embarrassed sounding._

_**Wilson**_: "Drinking...yes... obviously...sorry."

_House turns away from Wilson and as he does a wry smile spreads across his face. He sits down on the couch and Wilson sits next to him. They start to drink and are soon half way to finishing their first bottle. They haven't spoken in quite some time but House decides to break the silence._

**House**: "Sooooooooooo."

**Wilson**: "We are not talking about it."

**House**: "We are not talking about what?"

**Wilson**: "The thing?"

**House**: "Whose thing? That guys? Did he offer to show you it? Do you think it was big?"

_Wilson grabs another bottle from the table. He then drinks from it until it is empty. He wipes his face with his shirt sleeve and using his free hand massages circles into his temple as if the action will single handily manage to turn back time._

**Wilson:** "I don't need this just now; this was the wrong place for me to come tonight."

**House**: "And yet here you are Wilson. You wanted to come here remember? Though you seemed to battle with yourself for quite a while when we were standing at the door of that club. Why was that again?"

_House notices as Wilson shifts uncomfortably next to him on the couch. Beads of sweat have begun to roll down the Oncologists forehead. He is visibly very nervous. He unbuttons his cuffs and rolls his shirt sleeves to his elbows. As he does so he speaks again with a raised voice and waves his hands around for dramatic effect._

**Wilson:** "Cause...cause... I knew you'd be like this."

**House**: "like what?"

**Wilson**: "Dog with a bone."

_House leans across until his hand is resting on the exposed area of couch material between Wilson's thighs. His other hand, which is holding his beer, moves to rest just above his friends head. Their faces are close enough to see the individual lines age has brought to both of them. House can't help noticing that Wilson has become semi-erect but he feigns ignorance of the fact and maintains eye level contact._

**House**: "Well you know me. I love a good mystery. When that mystery has the added bonus of involving you, well I'm just powerless to resist its charms. In fact I guess i'm just powerless to resist you."

_They become locked in a stare which lasts for quite some time. House finally moves away when Wilson breaks the eye contact. The older Doctor resumes his initial place on the sofa. Some more time passes before House speaks again._

**House**: "What was it like?"

**Wilson**: "You just can't let it go can you?"

**House**: "It seemed like you enjoyed it. I mean I was watching it happen and when he kissed you, you didn't pull away at first. It took you longer than necessary."

**Wilson**: "I. Was. In. Shock."

**House**: "So you didn't enjoy it?"

**Wilson**: "No. Of course I didn't, it was a MAN!"

**House**: "It's no big deal; you are treating it like it is wrong or unnatural. It's neither. It is what it is. It can be an experiment. It can be an experience. You really are just totally backwards thinking Wilson. Up until this moment I didn't realise what a Homophobe you are but there it is. You're as forward thinking as Hitler."

**Wilson**: "It's been my life's ambition as a Jew to be compared to Hitler."

**House**: "Hey I just call it how I see it!"

**Wilson**: "I'm not against gays!"

**House**: "The correct terms I believe are Homosexual and anally challenged,"

**Wilson**: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm not a homophobe!"

_He stands up and walks to the Kitchen to get more beers from the fridge. House limps after him._

**House:** "And storming away like that! Not an ounce of consideration for a cripple, definitely an S.S soldier in a previous lifetime. Your punishment was to come back as a Jew!"

**Wilson**: "You don't realise how much I wanna ring your neck sometimes!"

Wilson slams the fridge door shut and in marching to the kitchen table, kicks the side of a cardboard box resting on the floor. He then aggressively pulls the chair forwards and frows himself down on it.

**House**: "Calm down Fraulein Wilson."

**Wilson**: "You are the one with Homophobic tendencies!"

**House**: "Me? I don't have anything against man love; I'm totally down with it."

**Wilson**: "Oh yeah all those, Chase in short shorts comments, so liberal minded."

**House**: "I joke about EVERYTHING. When it comes down to it, I'm just as bi-curious as the next hermaphrodite is."

_Wilson has his head in his hands. At House's words he looks up._

**Wilson**: "What?"

**House**: "You heard me. I'm quite jealous actually. I always thought our first gay experience would be with one another. I wanted to be the first man to kiss you and now you have something to compare it with. Plus you did look like you really enjoyed it. I'm worried I'll be a letdown in comparison."

**Wilson**: "Oh...shut up House."

**House**: "I'm being deadly serious."

**Wilson**: "Sure!"

**House**: "I'll kiss you right now and prove you wrong."

**Wilson**: "You'd kiss me right now."

**House**: "Yeah...tongues...hand on ass...the whole shebang!"

**Wilson**: "If I grabbed you right now and stuck my tongue down your throat like that guy did with me you'd not pull away? You'd not kill me? You would let me?"

House walks towards him until they are only inches apart. He pokes Wilson on the chest after every individual word he stresses.

**House**: "I. Would. Welcome. It."

Wilson stares House down for a minute then from his sitting position shoves him away, breaking eye contact in the process. He begins to both point and shout at the diagnostician.

**Wilson**: "Screw you House. I dunno what's happening tonight. This whole night is just far too weird for me. I think I'm going to go home."

The Oncologist stands up and tries to walk to the living room but House purposely stands in his way.

**House**: "Oh I get it, now you know I'm curious you're worried I'm going to molest you?"

**Wilson**: "No...Of course not... I just want to go."

**House**: "Why are you scared to stay with me?"

As if to prove a point Wilson sits back down at the kitchen table and lowers his voice to pleading level.

**Wilson**: "I'm not; I just want to go House, it's been a long day, I'm tired and I'm not thinking straight..."

_House laughs at Wilson's last comment and is about to say something when Wilson pushes his chair back violently causing it to screech along the floor._

**Wilson**: "And I can't take anymore of your Gay jokes!"

_Once more he gets up to leave but House corners him and backs him up against the kitchen wall. He has nowhere to go and House is as close to him as he was in the nightclub. He's closer. His lips moves towards the Oncologist's ear as his hands rest at either side of the wall._

**House**: "You thought I said,let's go back to my place and screw didn't you?"

**Wilson**: "House please don't do this!"

**House**: "You're not going anywhere until you admit that's what you thought I said?"

**Wilson**: "I...I..."

**House**: "You...You. I'm hurt you think I'm that easy."

_House now moves his hand and grips Wilson's tie_

_**House**__: _"Admit it McDreamy, you were having an inward battle about whether you were going to do me or not."

Wilson brown eyes focus on blue ones. His voice is emotional and forced.

**Wilson**: "Well you did say that though... didn't you?"

**House**: "No I said, 'let's go back to my place and...ahh screw it!. You see, the music was annoying me. The screw it part was born out of my frustration at the situation and my unwillingness to fight over the music to talk to you or to be as intimately close to you as we are being right now"

_At House's words Wilson lowers his head to the ground in mortification and tears begin to form. He speaks between large sobbing breaths._

_**Wilson**: _"Oh God! What have I done?"

_House begins to slide Wilson's tie from round his neck and it slowly drops onto the floor. He unbuttons the younger man's shirt until the Oncologist's chest is exposed. He slowly runs his hand up his friend's shaking body and then roughly grips the left side of his neck. House kisses him on the right side of the neck twice and although Wilson's breathing increases he does not pull away from what is happening. However House does. He grabs Wilsons chin and moves it upwards until he is eye level with him._

**House**:" I want you. You want me. I've been piecing it together since the journey home. Hell I've been piecing it together for 20 long frustrating years and now finally I know without a doubt in my mind that you want this. So what do we do about it? I know what I'm aching to do but then again I'm not the one with the denial issues right now. So I'm leaving the next move completely in your hands. What you do in the next few minutes will decide where this friendship, no where this relationship is going for the next 20 years. We could stay friends if that's what you want. Admittedly we would probably be extremely awkward friends who only exchange Christmas cards and never go camping or shower together."

_Wilson smiles a little at the words of his friend but soon grows serious again when faced with his next words._

**House**: "Or we can change the dynamics of this Bromance starting tonight. I need you to make the call."

**Wilson**: No pressure then.

**House**: Make the call Jimmy.


	3. Feral Pleasures two

Hey guys thought it would be fun to make the next chapter something slightly different than you might have thought it would be. I might jump back again to explain what happened after House asked Wilson to make the call but I'll wait and see. Suggestions welcome :D Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**Feral pleasures two**

_*Chase and Thirteen are sitting in a bar together having a drink*_

**Thirteen**: "Look they haven't been spending ANY time together since that night me and Wilson went out."

*_Chase laughs at her and takes a drink of his beer_.*

**Chase**: "Well I'm sorry but on that evidence alone you have no chance of getting those shoes from me. The fact that they haven't spent any time together suggests they are definitely **not** sleeping together, unless they have worked out how to do it telepathically."

*_Thirteen shuffles round the table a little closer to Chase. She leans in so he can hear her as the bar is very busy_.*

**Thirteen**: "Come on Chase! You should know that when people are trying to hide things they over compensate. These two are definitely over compensating; they don't even have lunch with one another anymore."

**Chase**: "They've probably just fallen out...AGAIN! House might have killed another one of Wilson's girlfriends for all we know."

**Thirteen**: "They haven't fallen out. Wilson's car was outside House's place at half one in the morning today, yet they never came to work together or left together yesterday. What does that tell you?"

**Chase**: "That you need to laid or get a hobby Remy!"

*_She kicks Chase in the leg and takes a sip of her beer*_

**Thirteen**: "No seriously what does it tell you?"

*_Chase averts his gaze from a woman Thirteen had also been checking out a moment earlier. His eyes focus on her and he speaks relatively seriously for the first time that night_*

**Chase**: "It tells me that House probably got pissed at a bar and phoned Wilson and Wilson went and got him because he's a complete sucker. He probably decided to stay to make sure House didn't OD on vicodin, choke on his own vomit or decide to cut his leg open again in the middle of the night."

*_Chase gets up and walks towards the bar and Thirteen grabs her things and follows him_*

**Thirteen**: "I know I'm right. You didn't see them together at that club."

*_Chase gets the attention of the barman and orders two more beers. He then faces Thirteen and speaks to her in an exasperated manner_*

**Chase**: "I've seen them together for a lot longer than you have and admittedly the dynamics of that relationship are weird but they both like women. They are not like you Remy they don't swing both ways. It was a good try though. You almost had me convinced."

**Thirteen**: "I almost had them convinced that night. I know I'm right about this."

**Chase**: "Unless you can prove it you have to face up to the fact that you are losing this bet."

*_Chase finishes his beer and sits it down on the bar. Thirteen soon follows_*

**Thirteen**: "Well I better step this up a notch then I guess."

*_She grabs Chase by the hand and guides him to the entrance of the bar_.*

**Chase**: "Where are we going? I like you and everything Remy but I don't think I want to be your hobby when you are in this condition."

*_Thirteen laughs at his comment. She stops for a minute and looks at him_*

**Thirteen**: "You know where we are going."

*_She looks at him until it finally begins to register in his brain as to what she means_.*

**Chase**: "I'm not...no...he'll kill us. We don't turn his tactics on him. We never should turn his tactics on him."

**Thirteen**: "They are both at work so his place will be empty. It's time to find out the truth Chase."

*_Soon they are outside the House. Chase feels around for a key and locates one underneath a rock next to the door_. He passes it to Thirteen*

**Thirteen**: "First clue right there. That is such a Wilson thing to do. In his mind he's living in the 1950's where it is safe to do shit like this. House probably doesn't even know he's put that there."

**Chase**: "Ehhh I think he probably does."

**Thirteen**: "Why do you say that?"

**Chase**: "look at this."

*_Chase passes her a ragged age ridden note which has clearly been there for some time. She unfolds it and as she reads begins to smirk_.*

_Dear Burglar,_

_The key doesn't work. I know when you saw it you must have thought, 'wow what morons live here?' Well the answer to that question is just the one. Well he doesn't technically live here he just thinks he does sometimes. Why else would he leave keys to my House lying under predictable things like rocks, for junkies like you to find, without asking me? I know you don't care about the answer to that and are probably thinking about how else you can get inside. Well I must warn you, my place is booby trapped. Home alone style. So good luck._

_P.s If you do get in take anything you want but don't take my tivo or Guitars .If you do I will hunt you down and kill you._

_*Thirteen places the note back under the rock*_

_**Chase**__: "_Will this was fun but I'm not breaking and entering".

_**Thirteen**__: "_It's just as well I thought ahead then and stole House's key isn't it?_"_

_*She opens the door and Chase looks around a few times before they get inside. He starts to whisper and follows her towards the bedroom which they then enter*_

**Chase**: "He is going to kill us if he finds us or even thinks we have been in here. I can't believe I agreed to this. What could we possibly find in here?"

*_Thirteen opens a few drawers in a cabinet until one in particular takes her attention. She rifles through it a little_.*

**Thirteen**: "How about Wilsons clothes in House's room?

**Chase**: "They could be House's."

**Thirteen**: "These hideous ties are unmistakable. Now why would Wilson's clothes be in House's room?"

**Chase**: "Because he stays here sometimes so he's probably left a few things over the years. Ties and some underwear in a drawer do not mean our boss and the head of the Oncology department are screwing one another Remy!"

*_She then walks towards the bathroom and opens the door_*

**Thirteen**: "What about this?"

**Chase**: "What?"

*_She points to various items in the bathroom*_

**Thirteen**: "Wilson's hair products and I'm assuming his hair dryer, there are two toothbrushes and the shirts he wore yesterday and the day before are in the laundry basket."

**Chase**: "House owns a laundry basket?"

*_Thirteen rolls her eyes_*

**Thirteen**: "This means he's definitely been here the last two nights so it wasn't just a random thing like House getting pissed and phoning."

*_Chase averts his eyes from the laundry basket and shrugs his shoulders_*

**Chase**: "So? They have lived together before you know."

**Thirteen**: "But why are they going to such lengths to avoid one another at work? They clearly haven't fallen out."

**Chase**: "Maybe they are sick of the whole hospital thinking they are gay, gossiping about them and invading their privacy! Anyway look, a Playboy magazine so case closed.

*_They begin to walk back into the bedroom. Thirteen is scanning the area for any clues which will give weight to her argument_*

**Thirteen**: "Look. There is an oncology journal at the right side of House's bed and at the left side there is monster truck monthly."

*_Chase walks over and flicks through the monster truck magazine and then places it back exactly as they found it_.*

**Chase**: "House has _varied_ tastes and as for the Oncology journal, he keeps up with all specialities, that's why he's a genius and why he's not been sacked by Cuddy for all the crap he pulls."

*_Thirteen is listening but most of her attention is taken with an item she has found in the drawer at the right side of the bed_.*

**Thirteen**: "Then I'll have to show you this, I didn't want to but you leave me no choice."

*_She holds up a tube of lubricant_*

**Chase**: "Oh look you know that has many other uses than simply the one you are thinking about but yeah thanks for the image that just provided. I'm leaving now. I'm not going to be going through House's trash looking for used condoms so you can take a sample from them and get it tested at work. I'm not going to be doing that while him and his 'lover' gaily skip through the door."

*_Thirteen looks at him for a moment and then towards the trash_.*

**Chase**: "You're actually thinking about checking the trash, unbelievable."

*_She shakes her head as if snapping out of a trance and is apologetic when she speaks_*

**Thirteen**: "No you are right, it's late, and we are pissed. And if they find us so will they be. Let's just go. I'll need to prove my point another way."

**Chase**: "Hallelujah"

*_They begin walking to the door but Thirteen suddenly stops. She hears muffled noises outside_*

**Wilson**: "See House, this is why I put a key underneath that rock."

**House**: "You put a key underneath that rock? This is the first I've heard about it, you better get it then."

*_There is silence for a minute. Chase and Thirteen are standing completely still at the other side of the door with their hands over their mouths. Chase has gone chalk white and looks terrified. He jumps when he hears Wilsons voice again_.*

**Wilson**: "Oh haha very funny. You know why it's even funnier? Now we need to go all the way to my place to get the spare key. If the one I put there was still here we'd be inside by now."

**House**: "This _is_ upsetting since I'll have to wait longer before you put dinner down in front of me. Also I know you were desperate to get me inside to have your way with me but be patient. All good things come to those who wait."

**Wilson**: "Shut up House...just shut up and get in the car."

*_Thirteen tries not to laugh as she looks at Chase. She mouths "told you" to which he replies by mouthing "Shut up." They wait for a moment in silence until they are sure the older doctor's are gone.*_

**Chase**_: "Right we are getting out of here, NOW!"_

**Thirteen**: "No wait!"

**Chase**: "What now?"

*_She moves towards the TV and begins rifling through the stack of videos that are there_*

**Thirteen**: "I just thought of it! Wilson likes to make videos remember?"

*_Chase is peeking through the curtain looking outside. He sounds agitated and worried and looks at his watch as he speaks_*

**Chase**: "We don't have time for this!"

**Thirteen**: "Five minutes maximum, they just left."

**Chase**: "You are not going to find anything and I'm not standing here keeping look out while you fast forward through every one of House's tapes."

*_Suddenly she stops and stares at a video entitled, 'Feral pleasures two'_*

**Thirteen**: "Ahah!"

*_She puts the TV on, places the video in the VCR,finds the remote and presses play_*

*_Both of their mouths drop and they are stunned into silence as they tilt their heads and watch. It is like a car crash scenario in that they want to look away but they can't. Chase finally speaks but it comes out in a yelp_*

**Chase**: "Oh...my... God! I'm gonna need a month in Mayfield to get over this."

*_Thirteen smiles as she continues watching. She sounds smug when she eventually speaks_*

**Thirteen**: "You won't have time for Mayfield Chase! You are gonna need a month in extra clinic hours. You have 2500 dollars worth of shoe to cough up!"

**The End**


End file.
